Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
