omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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