There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
