I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize