i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
