I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
