I just made out with a guy for $7.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
