shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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