I wish I only lived at night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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