Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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