GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
