What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
