The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
