So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
