I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
