i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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