well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
