Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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