dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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