I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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