these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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