I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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