fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
