The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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