i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just had sex bonerless
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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