omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
meet me or not, i'm out of control
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
