So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
