There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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