You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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