im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
