Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just pee around me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
