should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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