I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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