i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
