Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
