Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
