i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
