Well apparently he's into motor boating.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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