Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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