my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
