haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
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We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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