You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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