This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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