The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are the jesus of drinking
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
