he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
