I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
