I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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