the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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