How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
