So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
