i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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