Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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