my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
