smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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