I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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