I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
