My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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