i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
