after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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