I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
