did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
