My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
