But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
