I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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