I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
