So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
