I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
