I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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