Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
