he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
