so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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