my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize