whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you never un-have a 4some
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
