I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
