There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
