u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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